Dismal December

Usually December is indeed the time of year with joy and cheer, but for me December has actually been one of the worst in times of Fortune in life.

I unfortunately lot my job at the beginning of the month, due to my careless mistakes, so was given a weeks notice of work before being terminated, Great (!) finish working a day before my birthday. I knew the stress of joining the property ladder had really worn me out with the stress and lack of sleep, causing me to lose my enthusiasm for work. This was one of my main worries; how am I going to be able to maintain paying money for mortgage?? I felt pretty screwed over. (-.-")

Next thing to find out was my Grandma had been staying in hospital being very ill, so mum had to go take care of her every other week trip to the Midlands. Grandma now has Dementia, so has trouble-remembering people and has mood swings of depression.

On the evening before my birthday I had to head back down to Devon as I had a meeting with my mortgage insurance advisor the next day; I then only found out from my Brother in that Dad had been in hospital in Hong Kong, I wasn’t able to get any details until mum was back from work. Found out he had been eating some seafood over in Sai Kung with friends, then he was suffering an infection in his throat so had to go to 2 hospitals to diagnose the problem then go to surgery to remove the bacteria out of his throat. He had to stay in hospital for 2 days. What happens when you’re not used to eating the food in Hong Kong where it is not properly cleaned, sure his friends were fine, but they’re immune, everyone was worried and had difficulty getting into contact with him.

In the evening back to London as I was to celebrate birthday, unfortunately fashionably late, but I’m allowed. Triple joint birthday and a switch of venue changing but I was adamant to keep the first part of drinking at Montague Pyke – cheap drinks in Soho and majority of people know where it is.

As I finally got to the venue, majority of the people were the other birthday girl R’s friends. I was also receiving txts from friends saying they were unable to make it.

I kind of felt a bit down, disappointed and was really not in the mood to going out. After about half an hour in the pub 2 Jagerbombs and a double Archer in lemonade, then R said we had to go to the club, it was only 10pm. I thought ok; I’ll see what the place is like. So when I was still chatting to some friends and messaging friends to let them know where I’ll be, once I was ready to leave R had already left the pub. I was quite annoyed as I thought she was going to wait for me.

I had to power walk to the club to catch up with them, as I got to the club there was a fair queue to get in. I was so pissed off and upset, I just broke down in tears, my emotions were all over the place.

I told R that I was really in no mood to go into this club so I ended up bolting down to Vauxhall for K pop. Fortunately one of my party buddies stayed with me and we danced the night away. All that matters with good music, though the alcohol pretty much burned out of me, was pretty much sober through the night. It really didn’t feel like my birthday, the friends who I saw in K pop were there to party but celebrating another’s birthday, I just felt like a tag along.

I did feel some guilt bailing on some other friends I wanted to see who stayed at R’s party but hearing they had to pay £30 for entry was simply extortionate, but R was refusing to budge and had a diva moment at one of my good friends.

Joys of the end of this year for me, I don’t think I have cried so much for such a long time, I felt to down and depressed. I hit quite a low point and have never hit this point ever.

I am still in the dark of what’s happening for Christmas, as it’ll just be myself and Mum, as Dad’s not back to UK until February. Will we stay in Devon just the two of us? Will we head up to the Midlands and keep Gran Company? I hate being clueless.

I suppose we need to pick ourselves up and move on. I think this mini break on myself will do me good as I haven’t had a long break in quite a long time, so need to concentrate on my new project that is my new home & job-hunt for a new opportunity in the New Year as it is Christmas time. It’s good to have my friends around me keeping my mind off things which is the best thing for me.